


The Go-getter

by Nisushi



Series: Roommate series [2]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Domestic goodness, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Misunderstandings, Multi, Roommates, Smut, Touka is best wingman
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2019-07-03 10:27:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15817026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nisushi/pseuds/Nisushi
Summary: ''And then again, who would want this?’’‘’You’re just pointing at yourself.’’‘’Yes, exactly.’’Kaneki is struggling with his maybe crush on his only-roommate who might also maybe want something with him after an incident of drunken messages.





	1. Pancakes

**Author's Note:**

> After finishing my long story, I kind of missed the stress of having to write chapters and constantly forgetting to do so, so I guess I'm back with another one. 
> 
> This is the sequel of my fic Unsay. Please read it beforehand!
> 
> Enjoy!

There was one second after the moment of awakening in which Kaneki felt like he would always feel on Saturday mornings. Which was nothing special, maybe a little cold if the covers had partly fallen off of the bed again, but otherwise completely normal.

That moment of just nothing was over as soon as a smell of something burning caught Kaneki’s attention. It had him roll to the side of his bed and get up. Then with stumbling steps and eyes half open, Kaneki made it to the kitchen where he found, to his relief, the cause of the burning smell.

Hide was leaning against their small kitchen island, spatula poking the food that was done for in the pan which sat on the stove.

 _It’s too early for this. It is Saturday morning and I don’t have to get up ‘til noon. I shouldn’t have to get up._ Rubbing his eyes, Kaneki felt the last sense of a quiet morning seeping away. He greeted Hide before taking over the spatula.

‘’Ah, good morning!’’ Hide quickly dove out of his way, observing Kaneki saving breakfast from a distance. For some reason, and even though he was not fully awake yet, Kaneki noticed the sheer forced enthusiasm behind the greeting. It was too careful, planned. He couldn’t remember Hide being like that. Not that he had ever taken a closer look at his roommate. He didn’t know anything.

‘’I guess I screwed up a little, didn’t I?’’ As he had said, it was rehearsed. Kaneki took the pan off of the stove and scraped off as much of the black scrambled eggs into the bin as possible. The rest would be dealt with later.

‘’It doesn’t matter really,’’ Kaneki reached for the flower in the cupboard above him. ‘’I had promised to make pancakes anyway.’’ He just remembered himself when he saw Hide’s horrible creation. And from what he saw from the corner of the eye, Hide didn’t.

‘’Did you?’’ The question kind of hurt him, and even if Kaneki had told himself to forget it and move on, it still touched him in the wrong way. It took him so much to not sigh.

‘’I… I did.’’ Kaneki thought it was the best if he didn’t bring up that he was doing this because Hide had asked him yesterday night. Hide had already forgotten, and so should he. ‘’Uh, can you maybe get me the milk, three eggs, some butter.’’ Kaneki took a bowl and the whisk from under him. He had to put both of them to work, and especially Hide since he had been putting him on the edge with his constant staring. They didn’t do that, except for yesterday, but that didn’t happen and Kaneki should get it out of his head already. They just weren’t like that.

Hide was moving around stuff in the fridge, and it gave the idea that Hide actually never saw the inside of their fridge, safe for the shelf that belonged to the sodas. There was no need for him to, since take-out was his friend from what Kaneki had seen.

It was slightly endearing to see him so emerged in finding butter and some eggs. And it was Hide and the fridge alone for a moment, so Kaneki felt that a little bit of looking wasn’t too indecent.

Was it too early to have created a habit for staring? If it had become one, Kaneki would wholly blame the freckles. And now there was this thing Hide did with his foot. It was an unconscious act, scrunching up the leg of his sweatpants with his toes so that he could scratch the skin underneath. For some reason, just like the freckles, it felt intimate. There was some distance between them but it still felt as if Hide was giving him something personal, private even. Which didn’t make sense, since he had seen so much more yesterday. He felt so warm and it didn’t make any sense.

Hide finally handed the ingredients to him, and Kaneki thought he was safe. Hide would move to the table and wait for breakfast to be ready. But then the staring was back. It was innocent, genuine interest at what he was doing with eggs and a bowl, but it was nerve-wracking for Kaneki.

His hands started trembling, desperately searching for some distraction. Would talking be distracting? Hide loved to talk right?

‘’S-so, you don’t cook often?’’ Way to go with stating the obvious. But it was helping, and Kaneki could feel his shoulders relax as Hide started gazing at their ceiling instead.

‘’Nope, that’s true.’’

‘’So why now?’’ The curiosity was as genuine as Hide observing him baking. It was rare to see him working in the kitchen, and did he remember Hide ever being up early? He didn’t even put effort in making something when he had one sleeping over again. He always asked Kaneki.

Hide chuckled, scratched his neck and did that thing with his foot again. Was he embarrassed? ‘’I sort of woke up early, with this shirt on,’’ he gestured to the shirt Kaneki had dressed him in the night before. ‘’Which is unusual, so I wanted to thank you for helping me out there. My surprise breakfast didn’t really work out though.’’

‘’You didn’t have to.’’ If Hide thought he owed him, then Kaneki could never step away from last night. He did have to admit that it made him feel a bit warm, if only a little, inside.

‘’No, seriously Kaneki,’’ Kaneki turned his gaze from the counter to Hide. He seemed frustrated, lost, and Kaneki wanted to say that it was really okay but Hide was faster. ‘’Without you I would’ve had a horrible morning, like back pain and hangovers are honestly the worst combination, so I wanted to thank you but it didn’t work out and I’m really sorry.’’

Hide’s words sounded guilty, but all Kaneki wanted was just getting over with it. How many times was it going to take to convince Hide to leave it? The best was to tell Hide directly, but on the other hand Kaneki admired Hide’s determination. It was like the freckles and the foot thing. Natural, real.

‘’Thank you, for taking care of me while you could have easily ditched me, and I’m really sorry that this is all I can do for now but really, thank you.’’ For Hide’s eyes and their expression, Kaneki could have cried. But all he did was gasp.

‘’You don’t have to worry about it,’’ Kaneki continued to work. _And I would do it again._ But he didn’t mention that, because this was once and it was over now.

‘’Can you do the table for me please?’’

 

There were no pancakes left and all the dishes lay in the sink. Hide offered to at least make him a coffee, and even though Kaneki knew that Hide was as good in making coffee as cooking, he accepted the offer. He had the feeling that Hide wouldn’t stop afterwards if he hadn’t.

Hide handed him his cup and sat himself down on the other side of their small table. It was only just past ten and they were caught in another rare setting. Both mostly had breakfast alone, the same went for the other meals, so sitting at the same table at the same time was also quite unusual. Kaneki had given up with worrying about what he had to do with it. Ever since last night, nothing took its normal turn anyway.

‘’So, I also read the messages from yesterday.’’

Kaneki choked on his coffee. He waved Hide off when the other showed his concern. As if this morning hadn’t been enough yet, Hide had to bring up the thing that started everything. Kaneki had almost forgotten about it, and now that he was kindly reminded of their existence, he didn’t really feel like talking about it.

Kaneki coughed one last time before speaking up. ‘’W-what about them?’’ This was meant to be more of a polite question to fill the silence than actual curiosity. It _really_ was.

‘’It’s another thing I should apologize for. I came over as a complete idiot and ended up only embarrassing myself,’’ Hide laughed in spite of himself. It wasn’t meant as a joke then? Hide didn’t say anything about the meaning of those messages though.

_Not that I want to know, right?_

‘’As I said earlier, it’s not a big deal. I didn’t really mind it.’’ He said so, yet both of his hands tightened around his cup in anticipation for something more. What if it _was_ a big deal and Hide would tell him now? It filled him with light excitement.

‘’Well, it is and I do mind it.’’ He did? ‘’I interrupted your work, didn’t I?’’ Kaneki looked back at his desk, forgotten papers still lying where he had left them yesterday. It would be too obvious if he denied neglecting his work to get Hide, so Kaneki plainly nodded.

‘’I can afford it though.’’

‘’But still, I feel sorry for it.’’

‘’You should almost feel sorry for how much you apologize?’’ Wasn’t that rude to say? Kaneki panicked for a moment and tried to make up for it.

‘’I-I mean… it’s fine, really.’’ Hide didn’t seem to mind the comment, he even laughed. Kaneki couldn’t fight the smile forming on his on face after that.

Hide leaned back in his chair. ‘’Can I ask one thing from you then?’’ He was nervous again, and why did Hide affect him so much? Kaneki felt his own heart leap.

‘’To make this all up to you, do you mind getting some coffee with me?’’

Kaneki hadn’t expected that in the least. Hide wanted to hang out with him, or was it only out of pity? The latter felt like disappointment and he could only hope for the first. Wait, was Hide asking him out?

‘’Uh-h, I’m… I-‘’

‘’Only if you want to, that is!’’ Hide waved with his hands erratically, hoping to calm Kaneki down. ‘’If you want to, we could stop it right now and forget about it. I hope we could do something together, but as I said, don’t mind me.’’

Kaneki could only be hoping.

‘’I would like to. Very much actually.’’ Hide looked almost too happy about that outcome, and he quickly tried to gain his calm again.

‘’Right, that’s cool.’’

They both looked at the table, or at least Kaneki did and he didn’t feel the intense stare of Hide returning, so he guessed he was doing the same. There was an awkward silence and all Kaneki could do was hoping that he wasn’t misinterpreting anything. That there weren’t any mistakes made while listening and that the actual excitement wasn’t a waste.

After they finish their coffee, Hide brought both cups back to the kitchen. It was all so suddenly, maybe from hoping too much, that Kaneki couldn’t resist to ask.

‘’The text messages, did… did they mean anything?’’

Anxiety made place for excitement and it raged through Kaneki while he tried to hold himself on the chair. He didn’t look at Hide, but he heard no sounds of tinkling cups anymore. There was a moment of intense silence, and when Kaneki thought he couldn’t bear it anymore, Hide chose to speak up.

‘’Do you want them to mean something?’’

 _What do I want them to mean something_? Kaneki looked Hide’s way and saw him looking back right at him again.

Was he really asking what he wanted? He would obviously tell him that, _please let them mean something_ , but then he looked at Hide again and something flickered in him. To his disappointment, he understood.

Hide was asking him for something Kaneki had been wanting to ask the other the whole morning right? It was not as if he was asking for him to choose, but more like the kind of ‘Oh, I actually want to forget about this embarrassing incident so can you please do that as well’ question. A request. With no meaning to the messages, Hide would think Kaneki would forget and they could let it go. Laugh about it later maybe.

He hoped Hide didn’t notice the falling of his face. He didn’t want to be pitied as being the only one who wanted to put a meaning behind those messages. He didn’t to be looked down upon.

‘’No. I don’t.’’

He heard Hide sigh. Out of relief? His last glimmer of hope wanted it to be otherwise.

‘’Oh, okay. Great.’’

That last glimmer just disappeared.

 

Work was slow, especially for a Saturday afternoon. It left Kaneki with too much time to be distracted by something outside of his work. Cleaning the counter became a difficult task with him spacing out every five minutes.

‘ _Do you want them to mean something?_ ’

‘’Hey, sleepyhead.’’ Touka flicked her dishcloth against his head. Where did she come from so suddenly? ‘’Tough night?’’

‘’Kind of.’’ There was still some spilled milk splattered right in front of him and he really didn’t have time to talk with Touka right now. Also did he really not want to talk about it now. But Touka thought otherwise.

‘’I heard from Nishiki.’’

‘’W-what?’’ Touka’s expression told him that it was too late now to play oblivious. Kaneki sighed and leaned down on the counter with his hands. He didn’t get enough sleep and this morning had taken its toll and now he was going to be butchered by Touka. This wasn’t exactly his day.

‘’You never told me you had a lover. And it being a dude, I never expected that.’’

‘’That’s not-‘’

‘’Okay, I kind of expected it. Guilty.’’

‘’Touka!’’

She put her hands in the air as a sign of surrender. As if he would ever try to do something to her. Touka would break him.

‘’Don’t you have something to do?’’ Touka let out a laugh that sounded more like a huff. ‘’There are literally three people sitting there,’’ she gestured to the customers in the café, all busy with their beverages. ‘’All the more time to have a little chat with you.’’

Kaneki slit down to the ground, squatting behind the counter. ‘’Fine.’’

‘’So this guy…’’

‘’Is not my boyfriend.’’ Kaneki felt like hiding even more. His face felt hot too. ‘’He is just my roommate that needed to be picked up, nothing more. How much did Nishiki tell you anyway?’’

‘’That one of his friends got totally smashed at some point last night, made a fool of himself by crying over some messages and then made a fool of himself again by giggling for the rest of the night and saying his ‘love’ was gonna get him soon. And then apparently you came in.’’

‘’Oh.’’ This was really the end of him. Now that he was sure that yesterday’s messages weren’t a joke and had Hide been crying for real? He felt ashamed of himself.

‘’You’re sure there’s nothing between you and this… what’s his name again?’’

‘’Hide,’’ Kaneki stood up again and swept off some imaginary dust to have something to do. ‘’And I’m sure. He even told me he meant nothing with the messages.’’ He even felt worse after telling that. It was more to himself than to Touka.

‘’From what I’ve heard it sounded pretty serious, even for a guy who got drunk off his ass. Are you still really sure-‘’

‘’I’m sure Touka! Can we please stop this?!’’ Kaneki hadn’t meant to snap at her, but if he didn’t want to get more depressed then he had to stop her. Touka only mouthed things he already knew. Of course it was questionable for Hide’s behaviour and then no meaning being behind the messages. It confused him as well.

‘’Oh I’m sorry for wanting to help you.’’

Kaneki sighed and finally got rid of the spilled milk that was right in front of him. ‘’I didn’t mean it like that Touka. It’s just…’’ he didn’t dare to look at Touka. ‘’I kind of thought this was going somewhere too and that was just this morning but it went so fast from nothing to maybe something and then again, who would want this?’’

‘’You’re just pointing at yourself.’’

‘’Yes, exactly.’’

He got a kick in the shin in return. And he deserved that. He was a whiner.

‘’It’s not like we went back to nothing. He asked me to get some coffee with him sometime.’’

Touka looked up. Her eyes were glimmering with sudden interest. ‘’How can you say everything meant nothing if it’s so obvious that he’s asking you on a date?’’

‘’It’s as an apology.’’ Kaneki looked around the café and saw that all the customers had left. At least now he wouldn’t have to feel bad for slacking off.

‘’Do you even believe yourself?’’

Kaneki smiled. Of course not, but Hide told him to so he tried to believe it. ‘’No.’’

‘’And he finally said it. Now, go have fun on your date.’’

‘’It’s not a date Touka.’’ He didn’t want to admit it, but the girl was making him feel a little more optimistic about this again.

‘’Yeah, whatever,’’ she walked away and waved her hand to him. ‘’Text me when I can meet your lover boy.’’ And she was gone.

It was all so silly, really. But while he was cleaning the rest of the counter, Kaneki felt warmth. Maybe he was looking forward to getting some coffee with his roommate. Just maybe.


	2. Johnny

The coffee had already gotten cold by the time Hide finally broke the silence. To see how hard it was to talk with your roommate after months of living together, it was embarrassing. It reminded Kaneki again of how little he knew about the other, not having the slightest idea of what Hide liked even though he had it all happening right in front of him most of the day.

‘’I still want to thank you for coming. You’re probably busy nowadays, aren’t you?’’

Kaneki was. There wasn’t a moment in the time that he had been sitting across from Hide where he was fully relaxing to be exact. Papers were due soon and he needed this time hard. But Kaneki had also maybe been looking forward to his not-a-date-but-more-of-an-apology date. He would survive.

The sacrifice would be more bearable if that precious time wasn’t filled by dead silence.

‘’Not that much.’’ Kaneki wanted to slap himself. This was why he only had three numbers saved in his phone. His serious issue of dealing with social situations kept him from the opportunity to add more.

For now all he wanted was to hide away and maybe change apartments to avoid this forever, but Kaneki found it unfair for giving Hide a bad time due to his lack of effort. He would try. ‘’How about you?’’ Hide’s head cocked up by the sound of some mumbles, and Kaneki wanted to hit himself again.

‘’Sorry, what?’’ Hide leaned over the table, and Kaneki really got the urge to, rather than repeat himself, only stare at the freckles which were closer now, observe every single one of them. When would the want of self-beating ever stop?

‘’I… I wanted to ask about you,’’ Kaneki said a bit louder. ‘’You do International studies, right? That must be tough.’’

Hide fell back into his chair. ‘’I suppose it’s as hard as all the other majors Kamii has to offer. And I think I should be busy, but I’m not.’’

Kaneki could learn from Hide. There was a peculiar way of Hide phrasing his words, as he left a question at the end. As if he was seducing Kaneki to ask further.

No, seduction would be weird. Daring him to ask further, that was the right word.

‘’How so?’’ Kaneki wanted to see how far Hide was willing to lead him. And where to. There was some more excitement in this guy than only freckles and the foot thing that felt so intimate.

‘’I should be, because everyone is. I’m not, because I love to do everything last minute.’’

‘’Isn’t that just ignoring the fact of being busy?’’ Another thing that made them so different. How they were even able to sit together at one table and not still discussing if they should go to a café or stop at a taiyaki stand, it was a miracle.

‘’Ah, but that’s how you see it,’’ Hide gave him a smug look, saying ‘oh, how little you know’ with his eyes. It wasn’t offensive, just welling up anticipation. Kaneki wanted to learn more. ‘’Being busy is actually only a mental concept, not real at all. It’s up to you and only you whether you’re busy or not.’’

‘’Who ever said that?’’

‘’I did.’’ He sounded so convinced of himself that Kaneki felt bad for the small laugh that escaped him. But then again, he didn’t know how serious Hide was being right now.

‘’This is dead serious, my man.’’ So it wasn’t. ‘’I don’t want to spend the last years of my youth stressing my ass off instead of having some fun.’’ He cried out and dramatically let his head fall on the table. The coffee rippled.

‘’I can feel my crippling depression already. Life’s gonna be no fun when work starts.’’

‘’But that´s up to you right?’’ 

Hide slowly took up his head again, as theatrical as it could be, and Kaneki thought about how the other could have been an actor for that it seemed that he put emphasis on every movement and reaction.  

Or it was because he was taking in every single thing Hide did, and nothing went by unnoticed. He creeped himself out. 

‘’And who told you that?’’

‘’You.’’ 

Hide gasped as if he was hurt. Kaneki changed his mind, there was no way Hide would go unnoticed. Everything he did was to pull Kaneki into him, and so that didn’t make him a creep for noticing. There was just no way around it. And he liked the feeling of him pulling him in. It was new. 

‘’You did not just- You’re using me against myself?’’

‘’I think I did.’’

‘’You’re too cruel. Horrible even.’’ With an exaggerated groan, Hide lifted his hand to ask for another cappuccino. Kaneki told him yes when he asked if he also would like a refill, even though his cup was still full but of undrinkable coffee, and he could almost cry over the fact that Hide wanted to get another coffee. He wanted to spend more time with him, and so did he.  

Their conversation was stupid, nothing, but it made him feel at ease and it made sense now why the other was one with a massive social life. The overwhelming character didn’t scare off, it pulled people towards him.  

He mindlessly thought about how many nights Hide wasn’t spending in their apartment. Kaneki could only imagine how many people he was seeing, spending time with, occasionally bringing one home. He could only guess how many hands had touched those freckles. How adventurous he was living his life, something he could only dream of. Having an excuse to skip projects seemed wonderful.  

It was another thing that made them so different.  

‘'You must be popular.’' It slipped out and sounded pathetic, like he was feeling sorry for himself and asked for the other’s sympathy. But Hide didn’t notice, or he pretended not to. It was just another question in their light conversation.  

‘'You think so?’' Hide chuckled, again with the face that told him that he knew nothing. Kaneki was interested.  

‘'Well, you are out almost every night.’' Kaneki didn’t mention the visitors that came and went. ‘'I figured you’d need to have a lot of friends to visit to be out almost every night. And you’re very easy to be around.’' The last part was mumbled, as though he wanted to keep it to himself.  

‘’What if I said that I see the same group of people a lot, would you believe me?’’

‘’No.’’ But he would be glad. The image he had had of Hide since the first weeks was crumbling, but he would be glad about it.

‘’You should, because it’s the truth. I feel flattered though,’’ Hide gracefully waved his hand and bowed as a thank you, and he suddenly wasn’t the guy anymore that Kaneki thought he had been living with. Someone who appeared to be too big for this world and needed all of it to be satisfied, while Kaneki preferred to go with as little as possible, became simpler. Kaneki didn’t know anything about this Hide, but he wanted to get to know him more than the old version Hide that he had made. This one was less intimidating.

‘’What are they like?’’

‘’Who?’’

‘’Your friends.’’

‘’Tend to go a little overboard, but otherwise pretty cool.’’ He frowned and shook his head. ‘’That sounded kinda negative, I mean it when I say that I love them all. You should meet them sometime.’’ Hide was as adorable as he was adoring, and Kaneki wanted to become a friend who Hide would also love and talk so fondly about.

‘’What about yours?’’

‘’…My friends?’’

‘’Yes.’’

‘’I, uhm-‘’ Kaneki was saved by the waitress who had chosen to appear just on the right time to serve their drinks. He wasn’t exactly waiting to tell about his sad list of three phone numbers saved in his phone, of which he could only maybe call one of a friend. Middle school and high school had both left him with zero friends and he was sure Hide wasn’t waiting for that story either.

But Hide could have forgotten about it. ‘’What were you saying?’’ Or not. Kaneki could easily lie and spread it out a bit, make it seem impressive. Literature worked just like that, so he could too.

‘’There is this girl at my work who mostly shares her shifts with me.’’ That was not even a lie, Touka did work with him after all. But next to that there was nothing. He wouldn’t mention it.

‘’She is the kind that will find every occasion to pull you down, but in a caring way. It helps me keep my focus.’’ That wasn’t a lie either.

‘’Where do you work?’’ Again, he was saved. ‘’Wait, let me guess.’’ Hide quickly gulped down his coffee and put his cup down a bit too hard.

‘’It’s a bookstore right?’’

Kaneki quirked his eyebrow. ‘’Because I do literature?’’

‘’Exactly.’’

What Hide did, said, amused Kaneki to no end. This wasn’t the first time he had to hold himself from laughing this afternoon. He could sit back and relax, and Hide did that to him.

‘’Good guess, but no.’’

‘’I give up.’’ It was to be expected. Hide knew nothing about him either.

‘’A bookstore would be nice, but there’s something like too much of a good thing. So I chose another favourite thing.’’

‘’Coffee?’’ He felt his eyes widen and squint really fast. Hide had said something interesting.

‘’How… how do you know?’’

‘’Dude, when I see you at home you’re either working on your laptop surrounded by a thousand cans of coffee or sitting on the couch reading with a cup in front of you. And the coffee press you brought to our apartment is rather expensive, so I figured.’’ Hide said all of it like it was so obvious, that everyone would have noticed. Kaneki wanted to believe that Hide had been watching him like he had done with the other, picked up on smaller things than the uncountable amount of coffee cans. They would be on the same line.

‘’You’re not wrong.’’

‘’So, where _do_ you work?’’

‘’It’s just around the corner from… our place.’’ Hide had called it ‘their apartment’, so what was the crime in him doing as well? ‘’The second café when you turn left at the main street.’’

‘’Can I invite myself to visit you at your shift? I’d love to see this focus you’re talking about earlier.’’ Hide was playing with him, and Kaneki leaned closer over the table, closer to Hide.

‘’I question your reason, but sure you can,’’ Kaneki almost whispered. He wanted Hide to play along with him now. And he did.

‘’Well thank you. And I think it would interesting to see you with that girl you talked so fondly about,’’ Hide whispered back. Kaneki felt his heartbeat in his head, and he had to take a grip on his chair to stop his hands from shaking.

Kaneki didn’t react for the sake of the moment. Their faces were close and Hide’s eyes on him were drawing him even closer. Hide could do that. Kaneki corrected himself when he compared this with freckles and habits with feet. This was like the light kiss Hide had given to him.

‘’You seem to have some interest for my colleague. You’re not going to try anything, are you?’’ It was meant to be a joke, whispered because they were so close. When Kaneki thought about it again, it sounded more like a prayer.

‘’Don’t you worry, I won’t touch her. I’m already seeing someone.’’

It was unfair. Kaneki leaned back slowly, hopefully being not too obvious.

‘’Who?’’

‘’Do you remember the girl who had breakfast with us like two weeks ago? Short brown hair and all.’’ He remembered her. She had laughed at everything Hide said.

‘’We’ve been hanging out and it’s been going great, we only have to make official. That’s all.’’

Touka was stupid and so was he. She had encouraged him and he went along. He was right from the beginning, and he hated it.

‘’Oh, I… good to hear that.’’

Kaneki kept his mouth shut until they finished their coffee. Only nods and single words came from him while Hide was talking about everything and nothing. The rest of the time he sat there contemplating. Kaneki bit his tongue when he concluded that he felt envy towards that girl. He could only think about how he had seen her walking out of Hide’s bedroom on that morning. He could only think about how she had touched Hide’s freckles sooner than he had, had probably picked up the foot thing earlier than he did, was gifted a kiss more than he was.

It wasn’t fury-like envy. It was crushing rejection.

It didn’t make sense. Kaneki was in no position to feel so. There was nothing lost to feel like this, and he knew so. Hide and he had agreed on those messages meaning nothing.

But what if he hadn’t?

Hide paid for their drinks and they left the café. They kept their silence while walking back to their apartment, but Kaneki could sense that Hide was itching to say something. The sinking feeling made place for some adoration and guilt. Hide was just being himself, he was doing nothing wrong.

‘’I had fun.’’ And that was true. These hours were the best he had ever spend with someone else in a public place, and Hide was the reason for that. He still wanted to get to know him better.

Hide’s reaction was priceless. He beamed up next to Kaneki, almost as if he was going to levitate. ‘’It’s great to hear that! I thought you were seriously done with me at the end. You were so quiet.’’

The guilt came back. Kaneki didn’t want Hide to blame himself for his own behaviour. Hide could do nothing about it anyway.

‘’I’m just a little tired. But if you want to we could do this again sometime.’’ Kaneki had to stop torturing himself. This was the exact moment where he should have cut off contact and maybe announce him changing apartments.

‘’I’d love to.’’

‘’Okay.’’

There was nothing left to lose, so he could just stay around.

 

T. Kirishima: _How was your date? Any juicy stuff?_

K. Kaneki: _It was fine disaster._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unresolved sexual tension.


	3. Julia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mild spoilers for Pretty Woman the movie.

For as far as Kaneki knew, Hide was not supposed to be in his corner of the university. Still there was one day where Hide had stood in the corridor of his lecture hall after the class was dismissed.

Kaneki considered probable reasons for why, but understood why when their gazes crossed the room. He got up from his place with his things hazily stuffed into his back. His mind was debating on whether to half-jokily ask if the other was lost or talk about how he had found out where he was at this time of the day, but Hide was quick.

‘’It’s raining and I noticed you didn’t take the umbrella with you this morning, so here I am.” Hide gestured vaguely towards ‘the’ umbrella which he held in his hand, the only one they had.

‘’Um… thank you?’’

‘’Let’s go.’’ Hide no further questioned Kaneki’s hesitance, giving him a push towards the hall.

Kaneki saw that Hide was indeed right about the rain when they stepped outside. The streets were blank as a summer’s rain would do. It was close to autumn.

Their umbrella almost didn’t hold the heavy splattering from the second Hide opened it. For the biggest part, Kaneki worried more about their shelter breaking than the clenching onto Hide, both wanting to fit underneath the thing.

His shoes were soaked and wind started to blow heavily. Very vivid and quick, an image of the usual Thursday afternoon after classes came to Kaneki’s mind. A well-rested Hide taking up all the space of their couch, only gotten out of bed just before Kaneki would arrive and in pretence of getting some schoolwork done. What was on the television at that moment was far more interesting.

Hide had a free day today.

People kept themselves hidden in shops and cafés, drippling away from the streets faster than the rain came down. Hide asked ‘’Shall we head inside somewhere? I feel like getting a hot drink.’’ Then the umbrella gave up being their shelter.

The wind miss figured the poor thing beyond repair, and Hide slowly lowered it, his face already dripping from the rain. This  man must be completely mad for trading his time inside warm their apartment with running around with an umbrella that was not trustworthy to get his roommate. This man was also a shot straight out of a movie with his hair plastered to his forehead.

‘’How did you know my schedule?’’

‘’You magnetted a whiteboard schedule to our fridge.’’

That was true. All for the convenience to doublecheck his day. Also ‘’Magnetted?’’

‘’Yes, using the power of magnets. Now come on.’’ His arm was taken and suddenly Hide pulled him into a run.

‘’Don’t want this mission of rescuing you to end with both of us getting sick!’’

 

There was a small debate on who got the right to shower first after they got home. Hide was forced to go in as Kaneki had won by insisting that Hide had already done enough for today.

The water from the shower even sounded warmer than the rain outside, and Kaneki itched to knock on the door and beg for Hide to come out already. He started to look for distraction instead.

The lights had to be yet turned on, forgotten as their haste brought them to the bathroom immediately. So Kaneki made it his job making their apartment cosy, turning on lights he didn’t even know they had. That was Hide’s thing anyway, Kaneki preferred dark rooms and silence. Though the sound of the shower wasn’t all that unpleasant as it filled the apartment. Returning to a place that had toothbrushes which shouldn’t be touched and unfamiliar cups in the cupboards felt better than hot showers.

 _Coffee! Yes, coffee is a great idea!_ Kaneki stumbled into the kitchen to the coffee machine, only to realise that he didn’t even know how Hide preferred his coffee. The last time they had coffee together Hide had taken it upon him making it, and for whatever reason couldn’t he remember what his roommate had ordered in the café?

But Hide deserved a cup of coffee for his half-succeeded rescue, and Kaneki would give him that damned coffee. So he shuffled back to the bathroom door and knocked once. There was no reaction, water kept falling on their small shower floor. Kaneki knocked again, and waited against the wall next to the door.

He silently thought how shouting would have worked better, and the thoughts slowly swayed to the faint scent of moist air mixed with shampoo that slipped through the crack of the door. Kaneki imagined it being the scent of the bottle that always lied toppled over on the floor. And the organisms of foam slowly crawling down the tiles. Kaneki often wondered if Hide left the bathroom unkept on purpose, marking his territory.

There was no time to chuckle for himself, as Kaneki suddenly had face full of the bathroom culprit. He hadn’t even heard the shower stop.

‘’You needed me?’’

Far away in his mind that was not thinking of answering, Kaneki found how Hide’s hair was still plastered to his forehead like in the rain all too interesting. The beads of water that stuck to Hide’s skin were as uncountable as his freckles. Not important right now.

‘’I-… How would you like your coffee?’’

‘’Like I like my lovers. Sweet and creamy.’’

As if that was the most academic way to order coffee, Hide waved and closed the door behind him. Kaneki stood there perplexed, then shuffled absently towards the kitchen to make the promised coffee.

 

Kaneki’s hair was still dripping when he set the cups with coffee on the coffee table. ‘’Were you in a hurry or something?’’ was what Hide had said from where he was sitting on the couch. _Yes, I am_ , thought Kaneki. _To not let your deserved coffee get cold because I was smart enough to set it before getting into the shower._ It was a stressful shower.

Hide took his own cup and Kaneki’s as Kaneki sat down. He offered the cup to Kaneki and bumped his own against it. ‘’Cheers!’’

‘’Cheers.’’

It was dark in the apartment (‘’We have lamps for a reason!’’) as heavy clouds blocked out all the light outside. Kaneki was done sitting with Hide in silence, so he gave himself the job to turn on some more lights. Because that’s what they had: Not one main switch, but a thousand table and floor lamps. _‘’It’s for the atmosphere!’’_ had Hide once said when he came in with his arms full of boxes. Kaneki let it be.

‘’Should we watch a movie?’’

‘’What?’’ Kaneki was about halfway through the lamps and looked up to see Hide’s head hanging over the back of the couch. ‘’Why?’’ He gasped at his own words.

‘’I’m sorry-‘’

Hide laughed. ‘’It’s fine. I’m just kind of in the mood for snuggling the couch and watch something.’’ He wiggled with his eyebrows, which weirdly reminded Kaneki of what Hide had said about coffee and lovers. ‘’You’re in?’’

‘’Um, Yes?’’

‘’Alright!’’ Hide jumped off of the couch while Kaneki finished with their lamps. They both got down again, Hide with a remote control in his hand. ‘’So, what are we feeling like on this rainy afternoon?’’

Kaneki shrugged. He was no movie-man, and didn’t want to embarrass himself with suggesting titles of his novels that got it to the screen. The obscure literature was supposedly not the right thing to be _feeling like_ on a cosy afternoon with a roommate.

‘’What about… _Pretty Woman_? I guess it’s still on Netflix.’’ Hide turned on their television and scrolled through what seemed like his marked movies, together with _Schindler’s list_ and some Korean drama’s.

‘’War movies and romcoms?’’ Hide huffed.

‘’What can I say, I’m deeply intrigued by historical movies. Especially the World Wars kind, with an interest for European history. I’ve watched _The Pianist_ before _._ ’’

‘’Oh, I’ve read his novel!’’

‘’Hadn’t expected anything else from my favourite Lit student.’’ And if the word ‘favourite’ did do weird things with his stomach, Kaneki did not let it show.

‘’Put on your stupid movie.’’

Hide gasped beside him, his eyes wide and mouth agape. ‘’It’s not a _stupid_ movie! Julia Roberts is a beauty and the soundtrack is honestly the best.’’ Kaneki had no idea who this woman even was, but he decided to trust Hide on his choice for celebrities crushes.

‘’We’ll see.’’

She was indeed very pretty, hair and a face that Kaneki envied if those were Hide’s exact fantasies. He softly snorted. _Highly unreasonable._

What Hide hadn’t told him was that this movie was about prostitution. Prostitution that involved scarcely clad cock-sucking women and making love in hotel rooms, because that was what the public viewed as ‘romantic’. Especially the blowjob shot seemed to last a little too long for his comfort. Hide made no comment on that part either, while he couldn’t keep his mouth shut for the rest of the movie. And when he started singing along with the theme song, Kaneki enjoyed it wholeheartedly.

‘’If bodies shined like that during banging in real life, I would probably become a porn producer.’’ Hide had apparently thought this time the intimate scene was too long to stay silent. Kaneki narrowed his eyes and looked sharply at Hide.

‘’Why does that even come up?’’

‘’Because, Ken, this is art. And who doesn’t want to create masterpieces? This is downright gorgeous.’’ Hide gestured with a stretched arm towards the screen, as if it was so obvious.

‘’Your only option to create art is through porn?’’

‘’With shiny bodies.’’

‘’With shiny bodies.’’

The credits started rolling, and Hide pinked away an imaginary tear. ‘’Gets me every time.’’

Kaneki stretched and curled up against the couch. ‘’At least she got education at the end.’’ Hide looked at him with raised eyebrows. ‘’At least she got her love is what you’re supposed to say.’’

‘’I think education will bring her a lot more.’’

‘’Oof, Kaneki. Who has ever broken your heart?’’

 _You,_ is what Kaneki didn’t say to avoid coming over as dramatical. Hide interpreted the silence from the other differently, and attacked Kaneki with a warm bear hug. One that Kaneki didn’t know until now he needed the most of all. He lay under Hide with his back against the couch, and hesitantly wrapped his arms around Hide.

‘’Hmm, you still know how to show a little affection, don’t you?’’

‘’Of course I do. I’m not a hermit Hide.’’ Hide’s shirt was soft under his fingers, and body heat radiated through it. He felt Hide’s heart thumping against his own chest and the slow breathing. He was content.

They lay there for quite some time, until Hide said that he needed to ‘pee the coffee out’. It was late, and Kaneki felt drowsy after receiving so much human body warmth. It was time for bed.

Kaneki turned off all the lights in the living area, keeping on the one in the hallway. He waited for the sound of the toilet being flushed before entering the bathroom to brush his teeth. Hide took place next to him and followed his act of putting toothpaste on his toothbrush. ‘’Already calling it a day ‘Neki?’’

‘’Iwa tiwet.’’

Hide barked out a laugh at the sounds that came out of Kaneki’s toothbrush-stuffed mouth. Kaneki rolled his eyes, not trying to make himself coherent.

‘’Wat di yu say?’’ Kaneki shot Hide an unamused glare as Hide had taken the same role as him.

‘’Ur ubbliefabel.’’

‘’I waf yu tuu.’’

Kaneki understood that, and jabbed lightly in Hide’s ribs. This was no more than a game, but with Hide it was sometimes hard to remember.

Hide spit out his toothpaste and rinsed his mouth and brush. ‘’Don’t do that or you might as well kill me.’’ It took him a second to realise that Hide was talking about the jabbing. Hide was ticklish.

Kaneki bit down on his toothbrush, and attacked Hide with two hands now. Hide laughed until he sobbed, trying to get a hold on Kaneki’s hands. ‘’Please… show- show some mercy!’’ He fell to the ground, curling into himself. That was when Kaneki let go of him.

‘’Fuck, Kaneki. It’s going to take me a week to recover from this.’’ Hide panted on his knees in front of him, and Kaneki hastily turned towards the sink to finish off. This was quite enough for this evening.

‘’Idiot.’’

Hide only shrugged and got up again. They parted ways in the hallway, wished each other good night, and closed their doors behind them.

Kaneki wrapped himself up in his duvet to recreate the warmth that he had felt on the couch.

 

Brown haired girl was standing in their kitchen. It was Saturday morning, and Kaneki had just woken up to the light shining through his curtains. He was ready to start the day with a cup of coffee and some yogurt, but that girl was standing in front of the fridge, so there was nothing he could do.

She had noticed him, and said a quick hi before finding interest in the countertop. He nodded back. They had officially met the first time she had come here, and, since it had become quite serious between her and his roommate, they had stumbled upon each other a few times over the weeks. It was terribly awkward between them. Hide seemed oblivious to it, but every time she was there, Kaneki couldn’t be _there._ It was as if she knew.

But he needed his coffee right now and there so happened to be a pot of freshly brewed fluid right behind her. It was time to swallow his pride.

‘’Excuse me,’’ he said silently, so she could shuffle away. She did, and Kaneki stretched to grab a mug from the cupboards and fill it with coffee. Maybe then he could smoothly escape to his own safe haven.

He took a sip, and she gasped. It reminded him of Hide’s, and that was exactly what he didn’t want to. Unfortunately, before Kaneki could walk away, brown haired girl spoke up.

‘’You take your coffee black?’’

‘’Uh… yes?’’

She seemed amazed, her eyes big and shining. Kaneki had a hard time not wondering if she had fallen on her head when she was younger. Maybe she had and was now stuck with childlike amazement. Or borderline personality disorder.

‘’I’ve tried to convince anyone that it’s the best way to enjoy it. Finally someone who agrees!’’

She was definitely a match for Hide. Her passionate way of speaking, her wonder and her spontaneity. She even had the same eyes as Julia Roberts. It was unfair.

Kaneki clutched his mug, and luckily before he had to answer Hide came storming out of his room. He took his jacket from the coat rack and stepped towards the two.

‘’Good morning Ken.’’

‘’Morning.’’

Hide showed slight concern when he looked Ken in the eyes, and it was almost too scary. He got back to his smile within seconds and turned to brown haired girl. ‘’Ready to go?’’

She nodded and took his hand. _How obscene_. They were walking out after Hide shouted for Kaneki to have a good day and that he should be back around three.

Kaneki stood there with his mug in his hands. The apartment was eerily silent, the way he absolutely disliked.

What a disaster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Watching movies is such a cliché, which is exactly why I love it. Just like I love Pretty Woman. 
> 
> Woah, it's been such a long time! For some reason I've found the motivation to write again just before my final exams ahahha. I will resume this fic and keep Hidekane alive with all my power. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and the comments and see you soon! 
> 
> -N


	4. Allo was Allor

The day Hide came with the announcement that it was official and he had a real girlfriend, Kaneki also learned her name. Brown haired girl actually went by the name of Yoko, like Yoko Ono, which made Hide John Lennon with a lesser voice. A dream-pair.

Hide had mentioned it a few times before already, but now the name had stuck and was ready to follow him anywhere. It was suddenly only and always Hide and Yoko, Yoko and Hide.

So Kaneki went out of his way to ask for more shifts, frustrate over essays in the school library, and eat out when he could afford it. He stepped into a routine of waking up and leaving the house until he had to sleep again on the days that he risked the most to find the girl in their apartment. That was on Mondays, Thursdays, and the weekends.

He sneaked past the pair on Tuesdays and Wednesdays: Those were the days that held her as a surprise. She would sit on their couch or behind the door Kaneki would open. He stopped answering the door on those days after a while. She would be in their kitchen or walk out of Hide’s room or lock the door of their bathroom. On those days Kaneki isolated himself in his room with trips to the fridge and toilet when there was a need of it. He had seriously considered buying a mini fridge and keep plastic bottles in his room, but he was a broke student and he didn’t want his safe haven to smell like pee.

Fridays were his free days. After Kaneki would get home from school by early afternoon, he had the apartment for himself until Hide would return three hours after. Kaneki used the time to cook meals for the following days. It used to be in portions for two since he first noticed that his roommate was neglecting himself, which was quite early into their shared life. Soon enough Kaneki was making breakfast for three in the weekends, and now he did enough shopping for left-overs.

Had it come to his mind that maybe Hide was no longer in need of his babying now he had someone else who he was also gladly to take care of, then Kaneki had shrugged and thought of it as a no matter. He had not sat himself at the same table as Hide for a long time, but this was one thing he wanted to keep sharing. It was pathetic that the sharing was downgraded to taking food from the same Tupperware, but it was something he wasn’t keen on letting go just yet. So they ate at two different places, but enjoyed the same food, and if there was an extra joining the picture, that was fine too. Half of his brooding in bed before sleep was also about himself having become mad nowadays.

He heard bustling in the hallway as he was cleaning off the last kitchenware. Hide’s head popped up around the corner into the kitchen area with his hat still on. It was a red newsboy that you would only find at market sales. It was hideous and it was Hide.

‘’Good day!’’ Hide took off his hat and crept into the kitchen. His hair was flattened on the top and the normal tangle of curls was now parted in the middle. Kaneki wanted to reach out and fix it.

‘’How was your day?’’ Kaneki greeted him. Fridays were great days, as there was no divided attention between work or school or people. Kaneki was a greedy man, and on Fridays he got all the undivided attention from his roommate that he wanted.

‘’It got better when finding out I get to enjoy your cooking tonight.’’ Hide walked to the fridge and gasped with great enthusiasm when, Kaneki supposed, he had checked the contents of the boxes that were carefully piled up. He turned around to look at Kaneki. ‘’You will completely make my day if you stay here for dinner?’’

The question, or more a plea, shook Kaneki with guilt. Of course Hide had noticed his greater absence, but he had never gone if he knew that it had an impact on Hide. His whole reason to be out was to be no hindrance to Hide, and to make it easier on himself but that held no importance for now. It came to him, and then warmed him that Hide wanted to be with him, maybe was a little upset with him for all the time he was not here. If Hide only knew how dangerous he was to Kaneki, how he had him in his grasp and it only took this much to let him slip.

Kaneki breathed hard. ‘’I will.’’ Hide’s expression after that was the gift of this day.

 

‘’Now that we’re here,’’ Hide swallowed the food that was still there to be seen while he was talking. They were having dinner together, which was what they did every Friday so Hide had actually exaggerated and put Kaneki on the spot for no reason earlier. Futures were unsure however, and so were dinner plans. It was like they weren’t even living together these days.

‘’I’d like to discuss a thing with you.’’

‘’A thing?’’ That was quite broad. It ranged from ‘Maybe we should replace our washing machine’ to ‘Hey, I have had this thing going on for some time, but I decided to move in with Yoko’. Kaneki inhaled, then exhaled.

‘’A thing, to discuss. Yes.’’ Hide kept flexing and unflexing his fingers, as finding an excuse to delay discussion further. It only frightened Kaneki more, when the matter needed the time to be… discussed.

‘’It’s more like a request, I guess,’’ Hide mumbled. Kaneki glanced at him, and more than the words he noticed that Hide’s hair had grown out to a massive nest of blonde curls, because his previous spiky hair had begun to curl over his face now. It was scruffy; he had not combed through it for ages probably. What a distraction this man could be.

Back to the request.

‘’Yoko wants us three to go out.’’

And what a request it was. Besides the relief for matter not being on the unwanted half of the spectrum, Kaneki felt confused, and Hide quickly added ‘’Like hanging out! I met most of her friends, so she told me ‘’Hide, it’s time for me to meet your buds’’, and she was right.’’ There were a lot of questions from Kaneki’s side about this situation, like this one.

‘’She has already met me?’’

Hide laughed, and squeezed his hand. ‘’She did, but she wants to know you better and I think you are the safest to start with before I introduce her to my other friends.’’

‘’I’m your friend?’’ The innocent interest came out worse than his mind had formed it the first time he heard the word ‘buds’, and Hide’s smile faltered as well. Kaneki wanted to snatch away his hand and hole up in his own bedroom as he did most of the week now.

‘’We’re not friends?’’

‘’You never asked?’’

Kaneki went red-face as Hide almost toppled back with his chair from laughing. His eyes evaded Hide, and he looked at his hands in his lap. Life had no mercy, and neither had Hide. His laughter was infectious too.

‘’No one ever asks to be one’s friend, Ken.’’ Kaneki tilted his head up a bit to see Hide pinking away his tears.

‘’No?’’

‘’No, it just sort of happens.’’ Hide kindly smiled and leant his head on his hand, and Kaneki went soft all over.

‘’So we are friends?’’

‘’You never needed to ask. We take care of each other, don’t we? That’s what friends do.’’

He and Hide were friends. Kaneki fidgeted in his chair for the lack of anything better to do. He really needed some time to think about this, let it sink in. It hadn’t exactly been raining friends in his life, but Hide had this pout on his face right now so this must be a real deal. He was serious.

‘’We are friends.’’ Kaneki repeated this some times in his head, which made the corners of his lips turn up.

Hide averted his eyes, and he frowned down to the table. He came, all by himself, with the last question. ‘’Are you in for going somewhere with Yoko and me sometime then?’’ Later then.

‘’I will.‘’

There was no sign of belief, and it again frightened him for the shiver that it gave. There was more to this, because ‘the discussion’.

‘’No studying to do?’’ It was meant as a joke, but a joke was told when one knew the truth, so Hide knew that Kaneki’s reason to hide away was not studying. At all.

He never meant to come off as rude, or a hermit, or more socially uncomfortable than he already was in real life, but it was clear now that it had bugged Hide how he had been behaving the last weeks. Hence ‘the discussion’.

‘’I guess end terms got to my head far too early.’’ Kaneki chose the joke, and he put his face in his hands. ‘’You’re right, I shouldn’t be hiding away in my room and get out more.’’ His absorption of vitamin D was low anyway.

‘’It happens to the best of us.’’

Kaneki nodded, and the tension settled into a comfortable silence for a while. He noticed just now how tired he was. For the peacekeeping in the household, Kaneki was going to take another look at his work schedule, maybe scrap some shifts here and there.

Hide shifted in his chair and stood up. ‘’So, I can get your okay to send her a message right now to make plans for, let’s say, next week Friday?’’ One of his free days had to suffer for this. What a bummer. Kaneki gave a thumps up however, and Hide dashed out of his place to his room.

‘’What about our dish-schedule?!’’ Kaneki shouted after him.

‘’Two second messaging won’t perpetuate food scraps!’’

 

On Saturday Kaneki asked for some sympathy from Touka. She lost one of her ten-minute break for almost splitting her lungs in half for ten minutes. Kaneki had no idea what was more humiliating: Having to tell the whole story of Hide’s new relationship with his hiding and the ‘request’, or the part where he could do nothing but watch Touka calm down.

They were on prohibition for speaking until their next break. Kaneki thought of it unfair for being dragged into this; he was the obvious victim in this situation. Touka found it all the more hilarious.

She had almost lost her second break.

‘’I don’t understand what can be so funny. I’m in _agony_.’’

‘’You just answered the question yourself, congratulations.’’ Touka shoved her hand against his head. His stiff neck overstretched. A punishment for preferring the rickety chairs at the library over his own soft couch.

They were having their break, one she did not deserve, and were propped on the leather couch that occupied half of the breakroom.

‘’You know what dawned on me just now?’’ She still had that kind of amusement on her face that Kaneki didn’t like. It had come to him a long time ago that her idea of amusement was different than his own.

Kaneki sighed. ‘’Please do tell me.’’

‘’You don’t like that guy. You love him.’’

‘’What?’’

‘’I’ve dirtied myself with pronouncing the obscene L-word once, so I’m not going to repeat myself.’’

‘’ _What?!_ ’’ This was exactly not his joy, but hers to enjoy. And she did; she laughed and cradled his head against her shoulder. ‘’You’re hopeless.’’ She had no idea.

He still thought about what Touka had said while she ruffled his hair. Being in love created a more complex problem, thickened it and tightened his chest. He didn’t know the difference in liking and loving, but the word did so much to him that Touka couldn’t be anything but right. He might love Hide, and what a sad outlook on this love then.

‘’I don’t want to go.’’ Touka paid no attention to the tiniest crack in his voice. She probably found no enjoyment in that. ‘’Then don’t. I bet this Hide guy won’t force you.’’ He wouldn’t indeed, but Kaneki was already seeing the disappointment on Hide’s face. Hide then would give up, let him do his own thing. ‘’There is nothing I can do for you,’’ he would say, and Kaneki would forever be a lost case.

‘’She knows, I think.’’ He lifted his head from her shoulder to lie on the back of the couch instead.

‘’About your reluctance to go or…’’

‘’About the L-word I guess.’’ He expected another outburst, but Touka only set her wide eyes on him. ‘’What have you gotten yourself into?’’

Kaneki shrugged, because this all was not on purpose. ‘’I don’t know, but it’s going to be super weird with only those two, and the weird one will be me.’’ He should have put his phone on silent that night.

‘’You’re taking a lot on your shoulders buddy. I would say, get yourself distracted and leave as soon as you can.’’

‘’How am I supposed to distract myself when Main-problem and Sub-problem are right in front of me?’’

Touka keckled. ‘’You’re calling them Main- and Sub-problem?’’

‘’Only just now.’’

Then Touka had to think. She rubbed her chin and frowned deeply. Then she seemed in a debate with herself, and, after some time, there was a conclusion.

‘’Not to be super rude to intervene, but I can come with you if you want.’’ She sounded as excited as him about this whole affair, but her offer was genuine and certain. How he wanted to take her into his arms and thank her.

‘’You- you shouldn’t.’’

‘’God shit, Ken! Do you want me to or not? I’m only offering once.’’ Her finger poked him threatening in his chest. He nodded heavily.

‘’I want to. Thank you, Touka. A thousand thank you’s.’’

‘’But…’’

Kaneki slumped. ‘’There is a but?’’

‘’Of course there is a but. I don’t do nothing for free.’’ Touka’s smile was devilish. ‘’You pay my share of whatever we’re gonna do.’’

‘’That’s no problem-‘’

‘’And!’’ She again used her finger against him as intimidation. ‘’You will come with me to Yoriko’s baking party.’’

Kaneki had not expected that, but it was fine. Yoriko was a kind girl who would only invite kind people to a party.

‘’You know how much I hate spending times with her girlfriends, so that will be your time being my support.’’

And then there was Touka. Yoriko also invited Touka.

‘’Give me the date and I’ll be there.’’

Touka smirked and gave him one last shove. ‘’Likewise.’’

 

Kaneki: _Touka wants to join us next Friday. Is that a problem?_

Nagachika: _No probs at all! Excited to meet her :)_

Kaneki: _She is as well!_

The three-turned-to-four ended up in a dinner on that late Friday afternoon. Kaneki had begged Touka to meet at her place, so he wouldn’t be waiting alone in front of the building or worse, walking to the dinner _with_ his problems.

Quick introductions were given upon arriving at the place, and they all followed Yoko into the dinner. ‘’It was her turn to choose,’’ Hide explained as he slowed down to walk besides Kaneki. ‘’But I can assure it has great food! They are this close to your cooking.’’ Hide held his finger close to his thump with only a small gap in between. He had mastered getting Kaneki’s lips to turn up a long time ago.

‘’We will see about that,’’ Kaneki waved his hand away. Yoko was already seated and waving them over. Then Kaneki remembered again why he was here, and that he still had Touka shuffling after them. He quickly took her to the rest of the group.

In the end it was Hide in front of him, and Touka next to him. It wasn’t the tragedy he had imagined. Yoko was fast to start babbling about everything, and when she seemed to have nothing to say anymore, then there was Hide to fill the silence. They ordered, Hide told Kaneki and Touka which were the best picks, and they ate. Sometimes Yoko talked to Kaneki, as he was the main reason why they were all here, and sometimes she tried to get something out of Touka, who was more than pleased to silently enjoy her free diner.

‘’What would you say, Ken? Can this replace your magnificent food?’’

Kaneki faked his doubt. ‘’To call this magnificent would do this too much good I think.’’

‘’Then try again and think over your words.’’ Hide stuck his fork into his beef and held it in front of Kaneki’s face. ‘’Have this.’’

Without much thought, Kaneki leaned forward and took the fork into his mouth to take off the beef. He felt its grease leak down his lips. Hide was the faster one to wipe the trail from his chin with his thump.

The bite was swallowed, and Kaneki gave his ‘’It comes close’’, which Hide saw as a victory. Then they both noticed that both girls had been staring at them for the whole time. Kaneki didn’t want to think about what he had done just now. He would then excuse himself for a toilet break, and leave.

It was a gift that Hide dated Yoko. She apparently had yet to touch upon these courses she had just started to take and found this a great time to talk about it.

Kaneki found himself between following the train of words and stealing glimpses of Hide. Sometimes he saw him doing the same.

There were talks about courses, and then it was about baking. They were baking courses, which was when Touka took her chance to speak up for the first time that evening.

‘’You happen to know Yoriko Kosaka?’’

Yoko held herself from jumping out of her seat. ‘’Yes, I do! She does our parties and comes with the best shortcakes, you know.’’

_‘’You know how much I hate spending times with her girlfriends.’’_

‘’Oh, I know.’’ Her expression was smooth, with no sign of aversion. She demonstrated how she kept surviving these infamous baking parties. It was all the more admiration Kaneki felt for her.

‘’How do you know each other?’’ It was no polite conversation; Yoko was deeply interested in what Touka had to say. ‘’Because I’ve never seen you at the parties. Are you old-time friends?’’

Touka snickered, put her cheek in her palm. ‘’She’s my girlfriend.’’

All eyes were on her while she chose to continue to eat in silence. Touka was part of that small percentage of the humankind who, when they said they did not care, really did not give a care. Again very admirable, but also very unwished for at the moment. Kaneki let her fight this out herself, he was not going to solve this.

‘’What? Is there a problem?’’ With nonchalance, she did it all on her own. ‘’Please do tell me.’’

And then there was Yoko yet again bringing Kaneki to amazement. She only held her shoulders high as an apology, not in discomfort. ‘’There’s none. I was just surprised.’’ Then she let her finger move between the two in front of her. ‘’I thought _you_ were together.’’

This was not the first time he had heard that, but Kaneki still had it in him to choke on his food and have a coughing fit. Touka barked out a laugh beside him, as this was another joy in her eyes. It was Hide who took pity on him and gave him his glass of water. The betrayer couldn’t hide his smile however.

‘’No, never! Not even if I were banging the other sex.’’ Touka hit him on his back. ‘’And even if I were, this guy himself isn’t.’’

‘’ _Touka!_ ’’ This was it. His mistrust in the other two had bitten him back with his own solution. Touka looked at him with confusion, but then glanced over at Hide and understood. She apologized with her eyes. Kaneki wanted to sink into the ground.

‘’Oh, I didn’t know.’’ And she, Yoko, shouldn’t have, even now. Neither should Hide have known, but now there was another thing to explain when they got home. It was yet another obstacle for their friendship. Kaneki hid his face into his hands. If Hide said it now, then they could get over with it. Like a guillotine, one snap and he was done for.

Hide kept his mouth close however. His gaze could be felt through his hands. It was killing him.

They finished eating and Kaneki paid while the rest waited outside. The rest was minus Touka, who surprised him as he turned away from the pay desk. ‘’The poor girl,’’ Touka mumbled as they made their way out. Right now Kaneki was actually pissed, upset, so he scoffed. ‘’You think she’s that disturbed by my bold homosexuality?’’

He was grabbed by his wrist and pulled to a stop. Through the glass of the doors he could see Hide talking animatedly with Yoko. He was laughing.

‘’First of all, I’m sorry about that Ken. It was not my place to out you.’’

‘’It wasn’t.’’

‘’It wasn’t, I get it.’’ She gave his hand a soft squeeze as a sign of her sympathy. ‘’But I would never have said it if it was inappropriate.

‘’You don’t give a shit about what Yoko thinks- You shouldn’t at least!’’ She added when Kaneki remained unconvinced. ‘’She didn’t care, you saw that.’’

‘’Hide didn’t know either, Touka! There was a reason for that.’’ Kaneki snatched his hand away. Touka had done it this time, and he was going to get the full blow for it. He could already see it play out before him. It would start with ‘’I do accept who you are’’, and then continue to ‘’but I think this creates a problem for our living situation’’, and finish it off with ‘’I decided to move out. It’s not you, it’s me’’, but then it was definitely him who was the problem. What a bright future to look forward to.

‘’But Hide doesn’t care either way.’’

‘’You don’t know that-‘’

‘’I do! God, Kaneki…’’ Touka pinched her nose in frustration, and for a second Kaneki thought she had no right to feel like that. ‘’I didn’t think you were that blind.’’

Kaneki crossed his arms in front of his chest. ‘’An explanation would be appropriate.’’

‘’You lived with this guy for- what? Like months! I need is two hours, and all I see is you two ogling each other for the entire evening. He doesn’t care, he finds it great. You know why, Kaneki?’’

Kaneki shook his head.

‘’Because he _likes_ you.’’

The last time she had lead him that way, it had gone wrong. Kaneki had learned from that. ‘’You don’t know that.’’

Touka took his shoulders and shook him. ‘’Believe me, I do. And if you don’t, ask our other girlfriend Yoko. She’s more observative than you two idiots combined. The girl was just watching her man falling harder for another than herself.’’

The truth was, Kaneki was tired and not one to argue. He wanted to go home. ‘’Okay Touka.’’

She rubbed his shoulders one more time. ‘’Again, I’m sorry. This shouldn’t have happened.’’

It was a weak smile that she got back. ‘’You’re forgiven.’’

‘’Then I’m off. I don’t think I can stand that girl’s heart pain anymore.’’

‘’Touka…’’ Kaneki followed her outside to where the other pair was still standing. Touka quickly excused herself and gave here goodbyes.

‘’But we were planning on bowling, Touka!’’ Hide pouted.

‘’Sorry, but you will have to do it with only one loser this time.’’ She thumped Kaneki, and now he had no way out of this bowling plan. Touka was the devil herself.

She waved them off as the three went the opposite way of hers. Kaneki strolled behind them quietly, but watched them through every step. Their hair bounced with the little skip they both had in their steps, and what a picture they made together. It was all laughs, and after some time she would hang on his arm. She slowed down and clamped closer to him. They whispered, and Hide slipped his arm around her waist. Kaneki should have set limits like Touka had done and deemed it enough before they left the dinner. What a pain was it that love knew.

Then suddenly they stopped walking. Kaneki hadn’t followed their conversation enough to understand, but Yoko was shaking her head about something, and Kaneki noticed she had gone pale. She looked sickly with her eyelids low.

Kaneki stood his place as he didn’t want to interrupt them. He hadn’t anything to say either. After a couple of whispers, Hide turned to him. He still had Yoko in his arms. ‘’Hey, Yoko’s not feeling well. We’re heading home. I’m sorry.’’ The way Hide hurt with her tightened his throat. He nodded slowly and changed his way back to their apartment.

‘’Is everything alright?’’ He helped Hide support Yoko as she looked like she would collapse. The three took the whole width of the pavement, and, as sad as her situation was, Kaneki wouldn’t have to worry about watching their backs for the rest of the journey. Her smile wobbled with all the energy she could give. ‘’Don’t worry, just a stomach bug,’’ she slurred.

It indeed was a stomach bug, bad enough to make her run for the toilet immediately after Hide opened the door for them. Kaneki closed the door behind him as Hide followed his girlfriend into their bathroom. He busied himself with the lights, trying to block out the coughing and spitting, and the general sounds that belonged to throwing up. He dared not to peek into their bathroom, afraid he would be a misfit in a sensitive moment between the other two. This was a very sensitive moment.

Kaneki stayed in the kitchen until he heard the bathroom door open. Yoko walked hunched towards Hide’s bedroom with Hide behind her. He had seen Kaneki and gave him a thumps up, telling him everything was fine.

She was put in bed, and Kaneki was there in the hallway when Hide silently closed the door behind him. It was too late when he realised they were alone.

‘’So, how’s she doing?’’ There was the same gaze as this evening that fell upon him, and he hadn’t had it in himself to look straight into Hide’s eyes. It seemed unavoidable, the whole conversation that he didn’t want to have.

Hide sighed, sounding as tired as Kaneki felt. He wanted to say ‘’Hey, me too. Let’s sleep and we’ll see tomorrow!’’, but he couldn’t get it through his throat.

‘’She’s fine now. It was probably food poisoning, so that stuff got a lower place on the Ken-quality-scale,’’ he joked. Kaneki even chuckled.

‘’But how are you?’’

Kaneki had not expected the talk to start off like that, so he had no answers. He did not even know what Hide was asking.

‘’I mean in general.’’ He leaned against the wall opposite from Kaneki and crossed his arms. ‘’You should tell me when you’re uncomfortable with anything, you know. With the whole not being here when she’s here,’’ he vaguely gestured towards his room. ‘’and that Touka had to come with us today. It’s not that I minded- I mean the more the merrier, but-’’

‘’What are you talking about?’’

‘’Do you have a problem with us, Ken?’’ His voice burst and his eyes were wide. It clenched Kaneki’s heart and didn’t let it rest. This man was asking for him to surrender.

‘’I have no problem with… you.’’

‘’Then why does it feel like I haven’t seen you in weeks?’’ Three weeks and four days Kaneki counted. That’s when Yoko became an official part of their household.

‘’I had my doubts about bringing you along today. Do you know why?’’ No answer brought Hide’s hands high. ‘’Because, at some point, I got that you didn’t like being around us.’’

What a relief it would be to say ‘’It isn’t you, just her’’, but it was also plainly rude. ‘’I wanted to give you two some space,’’ he chose instead.

‘’We can’t be bullying you out of your own place.’’ He stepped closer and took his arms, slightly like Touka had done today. The situation forgotten for a moment, Kaneki leaned against his grip.

‘’You’re not.’’

‘’The truth?’’

‘’Hide!’’ Kaneki sputtered. ‘’I’m not lying.’’

‘’Keeping it to yourself is the same, Kaneki.’’

‘’There is nothing more to it! What am I supposed-‘’

‘’Like the fact that you’re gay?’’ Kaneki flinched under his grip, and this was it. He tried to shove Hide off, slam his bedroom door and sleep, but Hide didn’t give him an inch. There was no disgust, nor annoyance in his eyes. Only confusion for Kaneki, and himself. ‘’You could have told me. No problem at all.’’

Kaneki held his breath. This man was beating himself up over the fact that Kaneki had been too scared to reveal himself. He was the one to set this right. ‘’I was afraid,’’ he breathed out.

‘’Then I’m sorry about that.’’

‘’No, Hide! This was all me, not you.’’ His hands were still clawing the material of Hide’s shirt from trying to shove him away earlier. The heat of his skin touched his own. ‘’Not the whole world can be accepting.’’ It’s what he learned early in his life.

‘’I know.’’ And it sounded like he really did at the moment. Not surprising; Hide was his own man. Reality contradicted him more often than not.

His life had been in the light of not being seen by his roommate for some weeks now, but this was a of rest rather than chaos and drama. It was where he loved himself to be since the night of the incident. If it wasn’t for the girl sleeping in the other room.

‘’So, we’re good?’’ Hide’s eyes fluttered close sometimes, and up close it looked like a slower process than normal. His eyelashes touched upon each other and then let go.

‘’We’re good.’’ Kaneki smiled when Hide did.

‘’Just asking. Lately you have been one big surprise-box,’’ he said lightly, and poked Kaneki in his chest. They laughed.

‘’Kaneki?’’

‘’Hmm?’’

‘’Thank you.’’

Kaneki bumped his nose accidently with Hide. ‘’No, thank _you._ ’’

Hide’s lips felt stronger than the last time. It could have been that he was sober now or his hands on his jaw, thumping his cheeks. It lasted longer as well, so Kaneki had time to smile against his lips. There was a lost moment when they forgot the girl in the room next to them, and slotted their lips together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long-ass chapter about continued unresolved sexual tension.

**Author's Note:**

> Get to know me on [this](http://nitsuki-baka.tumblr.com)!


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